Bargain
(Continued from previous post...)
"Your drug benefit saved you $2,473.85. Retail price: $2,503.85."
At the pharmacy, I did a double take at my receipt handed to me with a small pill bottle (one month's supply) of Gleevec, my medication that I would now begin taking that day, to treat chronic myeloid leukemia.
I call THAT a bargain, the best I ever had.
All I wanted to do was go home. I felt numb. I still had hope that the diagnosis would not be cancer, but now that it was confirmed, what now? I called work to let them know I wouldn't be going in for the afternoon. "Are you alright?" My coworker asked. I told her the initial diagnosis was confirmed, and it was treatable. I got off the phone quickly, suddenly feeling very shaky. When I got home and collapsed on the bed, I felt a flood of tears were about to be shed. Questions were filling my head, "How did I get this? How long will I live? Will the pills work? Why did I have to get this?" I immediately answered, "Why NOT you?" I flashed on laughing hysterically at my Derek and Clive albums of so many years past, of having "f!%**ing cancer". I half smiled at the memory, but now felt a little guilty that I thought it was a laughing matter. How the worm/world turns.
My thoughts went to Meher Baba saying that one's karma could be worked out through one's health. (I'll try to find the quote.) I thought of all the people I'd read about on the leukemia website, most of them diagnosed a few years before Gleevec was FDA approved (May 2001), some of who advanced to acute stages of the disease, some who lost their lives. How many people are told by their doctor that they have cancer yet can be treated successfully in the same sentence? How strange to be diagnosed with a less common form of leukemia, but to be able to have a newly created drug to halt its progression? Most leukemia patients' options are chemotherapy, bone marrow transplants, or drugs that are so strong they make one weak, ill, unable to work. With the drug being so expensive, how do patients without health insurance afford it? It's bad enough dealing with the diagnosis, but to worry about how to pay for it? I was glad I had a job with health benefits. So this was my karma, to get this cancer, but to hopefully be able to achieve remission and regain my health and life.
Instead of the flood of tears, I lay on the bed, in amazement. I didn't feel lucky, as much as blessed. Blessed by God's grace and compassion. I was paying the Piper, but he was allowing me pay back with a plan I could live with. I felt calm and humbled and grateful.
THIS was the real bargain, the best I ever had.
"Your drug benefit saved you $2,473.85. Retail price: $2,503.85."
At the pharmacy, I did a double take at my receipt handed to me with a small pill bottle (one month's supply) of Gleevec, my medication that I would now begin taking that day, to treat chronic myeloid leukemia.
I call THAT a bargain, the best I ever had.
All I wanted to do was go home. I felt numb. I still had hope that the diagnosis would not be cancer, but now that it was confirmed, what now? I called work to let them know I wouldn't be going in for the afternoon. "Are you alright?" My coworker asked. I told her the initial diagnosis was confirmed, and it was treatable. I got off the phone quickly, suddenly feeling very shaky. When I got home and collapsed on the bed, I felt a flood of tears were about to be shed. Questions were filling my head, "How did I get this? How long will I live? Will the pills work? Why did I have to get this?" I immediately answered, "Why NOT you?" I flashed on laughing hysterically at my Derek and Clive albums of so many years past, of having "f!%**ing cancer". I half smiled at the memory, but now felt a little guilty that I thought it was a laughing matter. How the worm/world turns.
My thoughts went to Meher Baba saying that one's karma could be worked out through one's health. (I'll try to find the quote.) I thought of all the people I'd read about on the leukemia website, most of them diagnosed a few years before Gleevec was FDA approved (May 2001), some of who advanced to acute stages of the disease, some who lost their lives. How many people are told by their doctor that they have cancer yet can be treated successfully in the same sentence? How strange to be diagnosed with a less common form of leukemia, but to be able to have a newly created drug to halt its progression? Most leukemia patients' options are chemotherapy, bone marrow transplants, or drugs that are so strong they make one weak, ill, unable to work. With the drug being so expensive, how do patients without health insurance afford it? It's bad enough dealing with the diagnosis, but to worry about how to pay for it? I was glad I had a job with health benefits. So this was my karma, to get this cancer, but to hopefully be able to achieve remission and regain my health and life.
Instead of the flood of tears, I lay on the bed, in amazement. I didn't feel lucky, as much as blessed. Blessed by God's grace and compassion. I was paying the Piper, but he was allowing me pay back with a plan I could live with. I felt calm and humbled and grateful.
THIS was the real bargain, the best I ever had.
posted by zepher at 4:32 PM
1 Comments:
heather i noticed your kind comment on neils blog...i have breifly read your post and will do in depth later....my what a strong woman you are from what i have read..my brother in-law had cancer many years ago and was told he would never have chilren..he has been in remission for about 12 years now and has a healthy 15 year old son...please come and talk to us on my page and vallyp and dale mary beth and anne marie......we get a bit mad at times but im sure you will get it...but we can give you some much needed support and friendship too..please come and say hello..if not just for a laugh...love and light gypsy..x..
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